Skip to main content

Aspiration: Go Easy On Yourself

This is a story about forgiving yourself and letting go. 

I am the queen of only remembering stupid things I did or said, and beating myself up about it for way too long. 

Nearly 16 years ago (16 years!), I said what I thought was a stupid, insensitive thing to a co-worker in a moment where she was being kind and supportive. I know you're wondering "what did you say?" but I'm going to keep that between her and I, and it doesn't matter any way. (Hint: It was about a mom/parenting thing we both had in common.) And if I told you what it was, you'd likely say "That is so insignificant; you surely have nothing to worry about." But... The important part of it is that I thought about it regularly, for years afterwards, berating myself - thinking she surely must hate me. 

She was my friend on the social media so -- in a brave moment, I reached out to her and apologized for my insensitivity all those years ago. She didn't even remember it but thanked me for apologizing. My dumb comment years ago, that had haunted me, had not plagued her at all. 

It would be good enough for that to be the end of the story. However, she went on to tell me that she regularly tells her students about something I said (later) that helped her figure something out, during a time when she was feeling down. (Another mom/parenting thing.) Where my lingering picture of me was of a big jerk, her lingering picture was that I gave her helpful, memorable advice.

This apologetic moment happened several months ago. Since then, I have thought less and less about the stupid thing I said, and when I do, I am reminded that I don't have to feel bad about it any more. Truly, it is such a relief. I had beat myself up for a long time over such a small thing; that was bad  enough, but it was humbling to discover it was only one-sided: me! I was the problem! I should have let go it a long time ago, but it was reassuring to get her perspective. If I hadn't reached out to her, I'm sure I'd still be ruminating about it.

I don't have a secret sauce for putting things in perspective and letting go of negative self-talk, but this was a good lesson to treat myself more like a friend would treat me. Harder said than done, I know. Also, it's never too late to apologize. You just might learn something about yourself and life, and have a good little story to tell.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Claustrophobia Journey

My first claustrophobia experience happened a little more than 5 years ago. Long story short, I freaked out in an MRI machine. About a week later, I had a successful MRI. What helped was realizing that the MRI machine was actually open on the other end. I was able to get through the procedure by focusing on feeling the air and thinking thoughts like, "you need to do this for your health." The MRI showed I had a number of problems with my discs in my lower back. (That's a story for another article.) Something... maybe this MRI experience?... had tipped my anxious thoughts from the unconscious part of my brain, into the conscious part of my brain, making me feel like certain activities felt unsafe, where before they had not. That makes it sound like it was a clean 'before and after' change, but it was not like that at all. I think it was some kind of culmination, like a pitcher filling up with anxieties over time, and then spilling over. It truly surprised me, thoug...
Post a Comment
Read more

(Don't talk about) Back Pain

This week has been a 'bad week' for my back. Not debilitating, but definitely uncomfortable. This marks Year 6 for my degenerative disc disease problems. If you know anybody who does spine replacements, send them my way. :) Anyway - I thought I'd share a poem I wrote about my back pain. Enjoy. Back Pain The first rule about back pain is you don't talk about back pain  because it is always listening. The mention may awaken the monster to rear its unfortunate head. Shhh... but if you must discuss the back pain, minimize the fuss.  Don’t cuss about the glowing stick  weakening the aging body in a manner that can be sickening. The list of back pain words is lengthy; grinding, twisting, aching. There is relief in naming  the myriad of sensations: describing it is healing. My pain log includes phrases like: 'had trouble walking today," "could not do anymore" plus  "i overdid it cleaning the house,  & lifting milk at the store." Nerves are cons...
Post a Comment
Read more

Christmas Planning: I did it!

As Clark Griswold said of his old-fashioned family Christmas, "I did it." I could totally relate this past week, after everything I had lined up for us to do actually happened without any major hitches.  We drove back and forth to South Carolina from December 21-23. We enjoyed Christmas Eve and Christmas morning at home, December 24-25. We left on Christmas Day to go to Washington DC and spent December 25-28. We returned in time for a friend's Christmas party on December 28. Did I have help? Of course. But all the planning (so much planning!) that I did paid off - so I really did my part. The biggest thing that could have become disastrous was our trip to DC. But we managed to actually do all of the following, mostly on foot: The National Christmas Tree by the White House, the African American Museum, the National Portrait Gallery, Chinatown, Hardrock Cafe, the National Archives, the holiday lights at the National Zoo, the Library of Congress, Union Station, Dupont Circle...
Post a Comment
Read more