Aspiration: Go Easy On Yourself

This is a story about forgiving yourself and letting go. 

I am the queen of only remembering stupid things I did or said, and beating myself up about it for way too long. 

Nearly 16 years ago (16 years!), I said what I thought was a stupid, insensitive thing to a co-worker in a moment where she was being kind and supportive. I know you're wondering "what did you say?" but I'm going to keep that between her and I, and it doesn't matter any way. (Hint: It was about a mom/parenting thing we both had in common.) And if I told you what it was, you'd likely say "That is so insignificant; you surely have nothing to worry about." But... The important part of it is that I thought about it regularly, for years afterwards, berating myself - thinking she surely must hate me. 

She was my friend on the social media so -- in a brave moment, I reached out to her and apologized for my insensitivity all those years ago. She didn't even remember it but thanked me for apologizing. My dumb comment years ago, that had haunted me, had not plagued her at all. 

It would be good enough for that to be the end of the story. However, she went on to tell me that she regularly tells her students about something I said (later) that helped her figure something out, during a time when she was feeling down. (Another mom/parenting thing.) Where my lingering picture of me was of a big jerk, her lingering picture was that I gave her helpful, memorable advice.

This apologetic moment happened several months ago. Since then, I have thought less and less about the stupid thing I said, and when I do, I am reminded that I don't have to feel bad about it any more. Truly, it is such a relief. I had beat myself up for a long time over such a small thing; that was bad  enough, but it was humbling to discover it was only one-sided: me! I was the problem! I should have let go it a long time ago, but it was reassuring to get her perspective. If I hadn't reached out to her, I'm sure I'd still be ruminating about it.

I don't have a secret sauce for putting things in perspective and letting go of negative self-talk, but this was a good lesson to treat myself more like a friend would treat me. Harder said than done, I know. Also, it's never too late to apologize. You just might learn something about yourself and life, and have a good little story to tell.